To Whom It May Concern

I realize that this is all a bit strange to you and perhaps even a bit silly at times. I assure you, it is nonetheless real – despite my inability to articulate it with any degree of accuracy. I have lost count of the number of different analogies I’ve used – all which fall far to short of conveying the confusion and complexity it is I feel living in the world.

Dissociated Knowledge

One of my favorite authors is H. P. Lovecraft – that he and I share the same birthday is all the better.

Submitted for your consideration is the following from one of his best known short stories, The Call of Cthulhu:

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

Intergenderism

And here I thought people didn’t read my old website…

Kris over at Zaadz seems to have taking a liking to the construct of Intergenderism – with which I came up (so to speak) almost eight years ago.

Go give hir blog a read. You’ll be glad you did!

OMG! (giggle, snicker) Look over there…

Last night, my wife and I took my eldest daughter and some of her friends out for her birthday. We went to a movie and afterwards, we all walked over to Cold Stone for ice cream.

I get uncomfortable going there at times when I know it will be packed with teenagers – especially girls. Friday evenings are not a good time in this respect. And we have discussed before how teenage girls seem to be able pick us out no matter what. Last night was no exception.

Plain and Simple it Ain’t

The past year or so has been an interesting one. Not unlike Zarathustra coming down from his cave, it was time I once again join those from whom I had consciously separated myself years earlier. I wanted to both share whatever insights I might have gained and to learn from others. I wanted to (re)connect with people I consider to be most like myself. All in all, I feel I have been able to do so. However, this has not come without a price.

Non-Binary in a Binary World

As a rule, transpeople know all to well about the construct of binary gender. It is, after all, at the heart of being a transperson. And despite all the heartache binary gender has caused them, the majority of transpeople still hold a binary view of gender – sometimes, even more strongly than non-trans people. There are also those of us who hold the view that gender is not binary construct – that there are many other – an infinite number – of possible gendered identities.

The year that was 2006

2006 was an eventful year for me. In January, I decided to go back ‘on-line’ after having left Usenet and the like for about five years. I was pleased to find that people were interested in what I had to share and that I was able to share what I had learned over the years with others who were just starting to come to terms with being trans. These people are who I was years ago. It felt good to be able to be the one helping as opposed to the one asking for help.I needed to (re)connect with my peers – other people like myself – other transpeople. This is a big part of my life: a part that I felt getting bigger – and I needed some sense of community. This is something which has been long missing from my life and given the way things have been progressing for me, it is something I feel I need now more than ever.

Sometimes, we catch a break

It’s been three full months since my firm’s LGBT network profiled me on their web site. To date, the site has received the most hits ever that month – must have been that there was something different there. They received some very positive feedback about my profile, but it hasn’t prompted anyone else to come forward to either them or to me. I was hoping perhaps someone might.

To not be a man

I posted the following in response to a query about whether we can be ‘upbeat’ about the gender we were assigned at birth – and if perhaps we could, whether it might not make things easier for our partners.

Riding the Long Island Railroad

As a Genderqueer, I often wonder just how people are reading me. Sometimes it is clear (e.g. being addressed as sir or miss) while other times I can only guess (based on looks from people and other nonverbal cues.) I have thought that it would be interesting to log how I have been read and see if there is any pattern over time, but it is not very practical on a day-to-day basis.

Profile posted at work

The following is the text of the profile posted on my firm’s internal LGBT website.

And you may say to yourself, “My God, what have I done?”

We all have fears – things we do our best to avoid at all costs. Today I’d like to talk about one of mine.

It’s the ‘T’ word. No, not Trans – I’m quite fine with that – the other ‘T’ word we all to common to our community.

You’re gonna make me say it, aren’t you?

Being the first to step forward

I am 42, married with two daughters. I am openly transgendered with the tolerance / support of my wife. It is not easy for her or me, but we have been able to make this work for the past eight years. We have a balance – a bit wobbly – but a balance nonetheless. I am openly TG all the time and this includes at work. I basically follow the woman’s dress code (sans skirts and dresses: just not really my thing) and I do this with the blessing of HR. Yes, I went to them as asked if I could do this and they said yes.

Quasi-Random Rambling

I’m not quite sure what this is: rant, vent, whinge, discussion topic… Whatever it is – ramble and all – I’m putting it out here: make of it what you will.

I had an interesting session with my therapist this week. I show up there with nothing in specific to discuss and we always seem to hit on some pretty deep stuff which, I suppose, is the whole point.

Do we know who we are?

There seems to be an outbreak going on: crossdressers from all over are suddenly becoming transsexual. What could be the cause? Sunspots? Terrorist plotting? Internet gender tests?

Whatever it is, it does seem to be happening. Are people feeling ‘pressured’ to identify as transsexual? Is it fantasy run rampant? Mass hysteria? Mass hypnosis?

Nowhere Revisited

Less dreary today, ergo less whinging. As I said, I needed to vent. Were I still seeing my therapist, she would have heard this and my purse would be $70 lighter. I much prefer sharing with a group of like minded individuals. It is only because I was able share and learn from the experiences of others that I’ve gotten as far as I have in all of this.

Welcome to Nowhere

A dreary day here in New York and I feel like whinging and I need to unload. This is long, it rambles and I’m not even sure that I have a point, but it’s how I’m feeling today and I refuse to edit it for content or length. I’ll understand if you haven’t the intestinal fortitude to read through all of this crap.